Letting Go

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It's time to let go when the thought of staying makes you feel fearful, cold, or flat-out depressed. Another key factor that will let you know if it's time to let go is if you're staying because you dream things will somehow magically change.   You may think you can change the other person or because you feel being in an unacceptable or unfulfilling relationship is better than being alone, you stay. If all of these or any one of these things are what you are feeling, you are already alone and remaining with this individual is like dragging a corpse around tied to your ankles.

So, how do you come to the conclusion that this so-so or downright dead relationship needs to be buried? Ask yourself these three questions:

1. What do I really want and need in a relationship? Not what society, your family, or even your church says you should want. What do you really want?

2. Am I willing to compromise my needs?

3. Have I tried everything in my power to make it work?

The answers to these questions lie deep inside of you.

Here are some other important things to consider:

Are you the problem? If so, are you willing or able to do what is necessary to improve things? This is key; if your efforts are not enough to make it work and your significant other is not able to make up the difference, you know the relationship is dead as any cadaver in the morgue. Leave? Well, perhaps you can, can't, will or won't.

If children are involved, you must assure that you provide these children with the solid foundation they need to become well-rounded adults. You must somehow find a way to assure the children that a well-rounded relationship is possible for them and that the death of your relationship has no bearing on your or your significant other's love for them. Your decision to go or stay will reflect your core beliefs about parenting, religion, money, family and social status.

If you decide to call it a day, spend a great deal of time planning and creating a strategy for your future. Ask God for what you want; believe what you want is possible and then see it – really see it. Whatever you do, don't allow negative and sad thoughts any room in your psyche. There will be times when it hurts and when you feel so very alone.  You may even think that you can't go on. Give yourself time to grieve but do not wallow in self-pity or the past. Remember, you've got a life to live so just let go.

Carmin Wharton is a certified life and business coach to women.  Carmin coaches women who find themselves stuck and unable to move forward while trying to achieve a major life or business goal.  She also helps women through the beginning phase of starting a business.